Six weeks is beginning to look like eternity

Six weeks to go and its beginning to look like an eternity.The Conservatives aren't offering policies but strong stable slogans. They want a doctor's mandate for strong and stable government to make the trains run on time,get us out of Europe and end the crises in the NHS, education and social care. Why tie yourself down to anything when you're going to win anyway?

The LibDems are backing their new leader Blair but don't quite dare say what they really want which is to defy the electorate and stay in the EU. So their policy will be to say they're fulfilling the wishes of the people to leave the EU while telling them they got it wrong and really wanted to stay in the single market so they'll ensure this and we won't really leave. Something for everyone.

Labour isn't quite sure what it wants. It hopes not to loose quite as badly as the polls say so that it can claim doing slightly better as a triumph for Corbynism which turns out to be pro Europe and pro Trident not the reverse which everyone expected.They'll offer 57 varieties of approach to Europe .Some will be for staying in. Some will be for coming out. Some will be for shaking it all about while doing the Hokey Cokey The majority will promise to come out on the same terms as we're in. Then,once ensconced they'll lead Europe to a better world while keeping out of monetary union, Schengen Galileo and the directorate for imposing a uniform size on fish and chips.

The SNP regard Brussels as a better place to be ruled from than Westminster. The restaurants there are so much better.They'll offer an endless series of referendums (in Scots referenda) until the people finally vote to end the union while maintaining all the support they get from England. It may, or may not be necessary to join the Euro. We'll be told that later though because of the influence of Scottish canniness on the rest it won't be quite as bad as it has been for Greece, Italy, Portugal, Spain and assorted, idle Latins. Exports of kilts to Italy will rocket.

As for the Greens they'll promise that grass is twice as green, the beaches  twice as clean and diesel is banned. In Brighton.

UKIP will use its European funding to attack Europe and Pauli Nuthall will be nominated for the Nobel prize for fiction.

Is the excitement bearable? We'll know next week when the blank manifestos are published .The local elections will either confirm the polls or tell us they've got it all wrong. Then we can all go back to bed and leave it to the pundits and pollsters to tell us what we're going to do.